Without any prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say.
Holden, 8 years old:
1. What is something mom always says to you? Sweetie bear.
2. What makes mom happy? When I do my homework really fast.
3. What makes mom sad? When I say cuss words. Or when I call her stupid.
4. How does your mom make you laugh? You give me the tickle tackle.
5. What was your mom like as a child? Poor?
6. How old is your mom? 38.
7. How tall is your mom? 220?
8. What is her favorite thing to do? Dance to “Shake It Off.” I’m doing some really stupid damn answers right now. I mean dumb answers.
9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? Probably play with my two puppies.
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? The president.
11. What is your mom really good at? Doing the booty bump. And Richard is good at doing the booty bump.
12. What is your mom not very good at? Doing somersaults.
13. What does your mom do for a job? Do assignments at home and work, and painting.
14. What is your mom’s favorite food? Let me guess. Lasagnas!
15. What makes you proud of your mom? When she gives me my favorite pasta. No. When you strike me out in baseball.
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? You’d probably be your favorite character in Star Wars. I forgot her name.
17. What do you and your mom do together? Cut that one. I don’t want to do it. (After prodding.) We play World of Warcraft!
18. How are you and your mom the same? We both have the same color of hair.
19. How are you and your mom different? We don’t have the same color of eyes.
20. How do you know your mom loves you? She smooches me every night. How many questions are there?!?
21. What does your mom like most about your step-dad? Smooching him on the lip.
22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? Olive Garden.
23. How old was your Mom when you were born? 29.