I am on the balcony, laptop pulsing heat onto my uncovered legs, nose stuffy from a summer stress cold, red wine (Malbec) in a Graceland mug on the window ledge behind me, three citronella candles and a mosquito coil flickering around me, yet I see the mosquitoes in silhouette against my screen, darting here and there and up and down and, occasionally, settling on a patch of skin still enough to penetrate and make me…
On a tip, I found a super-secret swimming hole today in which to wile* away my summer afternoons. This is good. I’ve been sleeping too much (when I haven’t been sleeping enough). It’s time to get out in the sunshine. To let the light in. So much to talk about, but nothing to say. Waves and waves of pain and disappointment have hit several of the people around me lately, and I’ve been left each…
I need to say these things: I bruise easily. Perhaps too easily. I occupy no moral high ground. I need to give people room to fuck up because God knows I have made plenty of room in my life for me to do so. I … I’m trying.
So the year is basically half over. Huh. Today as I was driving back to Memphis from my parents’ house, I thought about all the shit that’s happened this year and what I’ve learned and blah blah false adult lessons hooey. Just now I started writing about this fucking mess of a year so far, when I realized that that’s pretty much all I’ve written about for months now. This post in particular is probably…
Inspiration comes in fits and starts and lately it’s been all fits — sputtering, screaming, whining, sobbing, wailing, grumbling, sighing, blinking, scowling, pounding fits — and I can’t help but try to imagine that this ongoing ennui is going to give birth to a bouncing baby something. I’m just not sure what. And that’s okay. If I’m sure of nothing else in my life, I can at least take comfort in knowing that this is…
I met a stranger in the park and made a friend. I didn’t think that happened in real life, but, well, there you go. Sometimes songs find me when I need them, and sometimes perfect strangers do too. Apparently. He told me that no matter what life throws your way, you’ve got to be “disgustingly optimistic.” He said it with a smile. We talked there on the bench by the river for probably an hour,…
Shot this right before leaving for work and when I got home, I noticed that the rain had taken the white poof with it. Insert trite observation about time changing everything here. I was in a slightly better mood today. Slightly. It’s sort of sinking in that the status quo is unsustainable and things are changing so I best change with them or get left running behind the bus, choking on gravel and grit. It…
Lately I have been salving my existential scrapes with poems and new music, and finding that both just increase that feeling of dread that always nips at my heels and keeps my mind running running tripping in the alley running. People have asked me recently if I am happy and I find myself unable to even consider that question without hinging it on a cascade of qualifiers. My gut reaction is of course I’m happy,…
So Randal has a post up about memory-mapping, which is a concept I just love because I am constantly trying to grab onto ways to bank my memories before my brain kicks them out or muddies them too much, so and I have jumped on board with all my baggage and made my own memory map. It’s just such a lovely little concept, I think, to find yourself combing over topography and allowing specific memories…
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