I get annoyed at how often I balk at the trappings of adulthood. Bills show up, expecting that I pony up for all the amazing and comfortable things I have access to on a daily basis and I feel personally affronted. BUY WHYYY DO I HAVE TO PAYYY FOR STUFFFF! my brain says, seizing into the fetal position. Paralysis sets in when I have to make important decisions. Hell, even not very important decisions, like…
This life springs people and circumstances into your orbit you must evaluate and categorize carefully should they prove useful or harmful or worth more time than you initially thought. Or less. It is the waiting to find out which shelf to put you on that I have little patience for. My brain fancies itself a label-maker, one of those crude punch-letter contraptions, and it is constantly wanting to slap an explanatory strip on everything, and…
Last January, I did one of these so I could remember how it was taking care of a newborn while on maternity leave. I figured I’d do one again while I am a Working Mother of a Toddler, so that in a year or two when my life has changed yet again (spoiler alert: it just keeps changing!), I can look back and try to remember what this life was like. So here is a…
Put $40 in pocket. Ugh, these pants look terrible. Change stupid pants. Go to work. Put $5 dinner on credit card. Never find $40 again.
I look at Holden and I still cannot believe he is here. That he is so beautiful and so sweet and so smiley and so ours. It is amazing and heartbreaking all at once to know how differently things could have gone, how he could have not ever come into my life. I read a blog by a local woman who has been trying for years to have a baby — I’m talking multiple rounds…
I remember that peach jogging suit. I was 10 or 11. I was doing the tango with puberty. It was an ugly, lumpy time. I have been up all night scanning old photos with the new fancy scanner that doesn’t even need me to draw boundaries around photos before saving them. IT JUST KNOWSSS!!! Technology is the best. A metric crapload of what I uploaded tonight got transfered to Flickr and Facebook; blame the booze…
And now I wait to see if the Universe is going to issue me an attagirl, or a smack in the face.
Can’t sleep. Got a lot on my mind and no real good way to say any of it. But the thoughts keep me awake anyway. They need oxygen so they can burn up and leave me alone. Saw a good show tonight. Young crowd. So many tall people or maybe I am shrinking. So many small and measured movements to the beats, hair stringy with sweat. Harshing my mellow, naturally, was That Guy. You know,…
Right now (1:30 a.m.) every dog in the neighborhood is going batshit because I just attempted to drag my trash down to the curb for tomorrow’s pickup. They heard me rooting around in my back yard, dragging bags of yard waste toward the gate. First it was the neighbor dogs to the west of me, then that set off the dog in the house just east of me, and then I heard some dogs down…
I had a moment to myself in the wee hours of Monday morning, when I went outside and sat in the driveway of my parents’ place and listened to the rising symphony of insects and night birds as they called to each other from the shadows. I grew up in the country but I never quite got used to the country dark. Country dark is dark. Impenetrable and vast. It was weird at first but…
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