This is your brain on the holidays
By theogeo | Wednesday, December 3, 2008, 3:23 am
I like shiny things.
Topics: drunkblogging, holidays | No Comments »
A very Turner Thanksgiving
By theogeo | Sunday, November 30, 2008, 10:03 pm
The family re-enacted Thursday’s dinner for me today. It was carb-tastically awesome, of course. And then my mom demanded that we go into the living room and take a family picture.
So we mustered up all the maturity we could.
And now we’re pulling boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations out of the attic. It looks to be a very long night.
Topics: holidays, the family | 3 Comments »
Just another Saturday at work
By theogeo | Sunday, November 30, 2008, 12:10 am
3-something p.m.: I notice that the analog clock on the wall near the design desk is way behind (or ahead, I guess). It reads 9-something.
5 p.m.: The clock begins making a pained humming noise, as if its insides are revving up out of madness. I give the clock a mean sideways glance and say, “That is gonna have to stop or I am going to find somewhere else to work.” I continue giving the clock my very special go-to-hell look, and my boss, sitting nearby, tells me to “cuss it out.”
5:02: The clock hands begin moving, spinning slowly, ticking off the minutes as though we’re in a time-lapse movie. My boss insists that the clock will right itself and stop spinning once it reaches the correct time.
5:07: The clock passes 5:07 and I realize that this idiot thing might actually think we care whether or not it thinks it’s a.m. or p.m. and keep going until the next 5:07. HI, CLOCK? WE KNOW IT’S NOT A.M. BECAUSE WE ARE TROLLS WHO WORK AT NIGHT, GAH.
5:09: I am glaring at the stupid thing now, certain that this pass past 5:09 will be its last. It trucks on past the big 2 and I mutter many curse words. Okay, more like yell.
5:45: The clocks have been spinning now, clicking their hands noisily in a full circle again and again, since 5 o’clock. I go to the restroom to pee and see a giant wet spot on the carpet in front of the door, directly beneath a sprinker. I move on, relieve myself, contemplating how subtly weird things can be. I return to my desk to see that the clock has still not stopped spinning. I am forced to believe that this is some kind of heavy-handed commentary by the universe about how I am wasting my life.
6:07: The clock stops moving. It reads 6:02, but I’ll fucking take it.
8:59: The clock gets hung and begins making that familiar humming noise.
9: The hands begin making their way around the face. Clickclickclickclickclick. My left eye begins twitching. Hardcore.
9:05: Clock reads 10 ’til 2.
9:05:25: Clock reads 2:10
9:10: Co-worker offers me Lexapro so I’ll stop freaking out about the clock. I inform him that it’s unnecessary; I’m more than happy to self-medicate at home.
10:11: Clock stops at 6:01. My eye twitches unhappily.
Topics: it's true — I'm crazy, work | 3 Comments »
Thankfulness
By theogeo | Saturday, November 29, 2008, 12:02 am
My mom called me the other night, crying. I thought something was wrong. Turns out she had just seen this Mother’s Day tribute on my Flickr for the first time, and it moved her to tears. She got all choked up while leaving me a voicemail, and again when I called her right back. “Well, I just have to know. Were you drunk?” she joked. I assured her that no, I hadn’t been. Or well, maybe I had been. I was drunk all summer. But I meant it, every word of it. “Well, that was six months ago,” mom said. “Maybe you’ve changed your mind since then.”
Nope. I am so grateful for her. For her humor. For her strength. And for my entire family, even though — no, especially because — they are crazy and quirky and, as we say around the house, gommy.
This was the first Thanksgiving I ever spent away from my family. I tried not to be too morose about it; I’m the one who d’ohfully picked a career in an industry that doesn’t actually take holidays.
Work was pleasant enough. They catered some pretty tasty deli stuff for us, and everyone pitched in and brought dessert. And then I got off work and went over to Amy and Dave’s and and they had a warm plate of deliciousness and a cold glass of wine waiting on me. I tell you what. Kings could live worse than this.
I started making a list three days ago of things I’m thankful for, and it just kept growing and growing so I’m going to go ahead and post it before it devolves into “electricity, eyelash mites, carbon.”
music in my ears
moments of light and heat
cds, made and received
books, borrowed and bought
someecards
good vets
office supplies
early shifts
late nights
Triple T Farms
hope
not working retail anymore
time off and away
amazing groups of friends scattered in so many directions
kitty purrs
BentonSans
mailorder
health
health insurance
backrubs
wordplay
nephews
hoodies
nicknames
dishwashers
recombobulation areas
CafePress
orange juice
wine
30 Rock
my camera and my eyes
unselfconscious moments
wiggle room
still being sentimental at times
the fact that my mother pointed out that i misspelled “blatantly” in the thanksgiving video I made (and I promise I am mildly ashlamed of my misspellnig)
and this:
And many more from Lindsey Turner on Vimeo.
Topics: Uncategorized, friends, holidays, the family | No Comments »
In which my cats teach you an important history lesson
By theogeo | Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 3:18 am
A Thanksgiving Story from Lindsey Turner on Vimeo.
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.
Topics: Yes I'm posting about my damn cats again, comedy, holidays, videos | 13 Comments »
Felix’s comeback
By theogeo | Tuesday, November 25, 2008, 1:36 pm
Last week was hell on steroids. Phil and I went back and forth and back and forth about Felix’s health. He’s old — seven and a half (that’s geriatric for Marshall Farms ferrets, sadly) — and he’s been having these weird fainting-type spells that he’s so far, luckily, snapped out of every time. Knowing the signs of adrenal disease and cancer from Gonzo’s battle with both two years ago, we didn’t hold out much hope for any kind of recovery or treatment. We thought we were very close to having him put to sleep since his quality of life had been reduced so drastically in this past year.
Obviously, we were both agonizing over the prospect. Felix has always been such a trooper.
BUT, long story short, yesterday evening we found pretty much the nicest vet ever — Ralph Pope at Pope Animal Clinic — who told us he thinks Felix has an insulinoma and adrenal gland disease. The good news is that he thinks the insulinoma is in very early stages, and after some tests, should be treatable with Prednisone. The adrenal disease is trickier; you can treat it with monthly injections that will help the fur grow back fuller, but for now we want to focus on the insulinoma and get it under control. If that’s possible.
The best news is that the vet thinks Felix has up to another year in him. I was pretty shocked by that. And very, very happy. He doesn’t see very well and he mostly just sleeps, but it will be awesome to have him scuttle around for another year.
Phil says he might let Felix stay with me for a few days over Thanksgiving while he’s home with his family. Felix has been staying at Phil’s place full-time for several months now because my lovely idiot cats don’t understand that he is not a moving, pounceable target. He’s old and fragile and Jack’s fat ass tackling him multiple times a day was very stressful for everyone involved. So I ended the joint custody arrangement and just took visitation rights. It sucked, but I figured Felix would be happier when he didn’t have to worry about cat snipers tracking his every move.
I’m hoping my little darlings have chilled out substantially since then. We’ll see. I’ll bring the hammer down if not. Or the water bottle. Whatever.
Topics: Yes I'm posting about my damn cats again, felix, ferrets | 8 Comments »
Foodstuffs
By theogeo | Monday, November 24, 2008, 2:27 pm
Dang, my friends can cook.
And they’re spilling secrets like beans from a bag with a big ol’ hole in it.
Come for the links, stay for the bad similes!
Topics: food, friends | No Comments »
Even in death, Scrap Flowers Crutcher can’t catch a break
By theogeo | Monday, November 24, 2008, 2:17 pm
(That’s bird poop.)
Seen at Elmwood Cemetery yesterday.
Topics: Memphis, comedy | 4 Comments »
Dudecam
By theogeo | Saturday, November 22, 2008, 9:23 am
I usually count myself as a card-carrying man-hater, but this right here might just redeem all y’all menfolk.
Topics: comedy, the internet is fun | 1 Comment »
Est arrivé!
By theogeo | Saturday, November 22, 2008, 1:05 am
Tasting notes: Nose full of cherries. On the tongue, it’s incredibly tart and, as usual, jammy and not very complex. But, well, it’s not supposed to make you think.
The people in this story say it tastes like pears and raspberries. Raspberries I can definitely see. But pear? Maybe by the fourth glass.
Suckily, it’s pricier this year — $20 a pop — because of a bad crop (despite news reports claiming that prices wouldn’t rise because of the economic downturn and vintners wanting average Joes to be able to afford their bottle).
Also: Grumpy
Topics: wine | 1 Comment »
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